The waiting drove me mad… you’re finally here and I’m a mess
I am no superman
I have no reasons for you
And I am no hero, oh, that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Where you are is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Dave Mathews – Where Are You Going
Decision. April 11, 2007
I’m going to meet him.
In a couple of weeks.
And then everything is going to fall into place.
And then I’m going to get engaged to him.
Even if its not a huge-lets-involve-the-parents deal.
Even if its just me and him.
Its going to happen.
I’ve willed it to happen.
My life: The Uncommon Dialogue. April 6, 2007
She said: This love business is great, but how about showing me a picture sometime too?
He said: I promise I will. Im working on it.
She wondered: Um, okay. Whats there to work on? Its the year 2002.
Now: She’s still waiting for that picture of himself he promised. Its now 2007.
He said: Of course I’ll come and see you.
She said: Will you really? It would be great for this all to work out. This was 2003. He came to Pakistan. To get married to someone else.
Now: He’s saying what he said those 4 years ago.
She said: How about I come to America? Maybe that way things will be better!
He said: Thats great- it’ll be perfect. We’ll plan our lives out. Everything will work out great. He got deported from America 10 days before she got her visa.
She said: How about you come to Pakistan? We can try something out atleast? Even if youre deported, Pakistan would be great, no?
He said: I dont really have control over that, but it would be great- if I were to actually be there, somehow things could work out.
Now: He came to Pakistan the summer she went to America. Its been 2 years since she went to America. Its been 2 years since he’s been in Pakistan.
She said: But I dont understand- you mean you can talk to random people and see them and know what they’re thinking?
He said: Its a strange gift I have.
She said: What do you mean- you can have talk to M without even picking up the phone and dialling her number? What do you mean? You talk to her in your head and she talks back to you?
He said: I dont know how it works, but its weird and it does!
She said: Okay so if you have this weird control over all these things- talk to meee too! Im so excited, try seeing me too by closing your eyes and tell me what I’m doing.
He said: I dont know, its not really working. We can just continue to talk through M when things are complicated and we cant talk on the phone?
She said: Okay
She said: Hey, there are these 3 significant people in your life. M’s talked to almost all of them, and even met Andy. Tell Patrick to call me? I want to talk to Andy also. I want to meet Richard.
He said: I will.
Every week, she asked angrily: I told you I wanted something. I told you I wanted to talk to Andy. Patrick. What is the problem?
He replied with even more anger: What the hell am I supposed to do when things keep happening and people keep getting shot and they are never home? Is it my fault?
She was quiet.
She said: I need something from you to believe this all is real.
He said: I promise I will give you something.
Now: Time still keeps going by. So far amount of things that she has: Zero and counting.
He said: Feb and March will be weird for you. Things will come together and happen for you in April. We will meet and get engaged in April.
She said: Really? Are you sure? I trust you because you know things- I cant wait for April to start.
Now: After 45 agonizing days, April started. He’s in a coma. Travelling to America in a coma. Coming back to Pakistan in a coma.
Patrick, Andy, Richard- all dead.
God said: I’ll take care of both of you.
He said: You’re my princess, I’ll make everything okay and we will end up together and married, and we’ll be the happiest couple anyone will ever meet.
She believed him.
Now: Knowing all these things and about 1900 more, she still loves him.
She wonders if she’s the stupidest woman that God ever created.
She secretly knows that she needn’t wonder.