the sound of music.

tears in heaven October 29, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — in2deep @ 9:48 pm

i have had a horribly bad stomach since eid day 3.
the halwaa purees and the niharees and the bbq have been coming out in all sorts of forms.

i’ve been miserable and have spent the last 2 days in the washroom.
and as much as i hate the yogurt here,
i have been forced to eat it.
i’m better now,
just have fever which is manageable.

i spoke to M eid day 2 at night.
it’s always nice talking to her because she’s so absolutely hilarious at times,
and since i speak to her after long gaps,
it’s always so much fun.

she told me of the dream she had of my friend E.

E met her when she came to see me in L.A.,
and fell in love with her.
till the day he died,
he wanted to be with her.

she never agreed to it on the grounds that they come from two different worlds.
their religion is different.
their life is different blah blah blah.

he was willing to leave everything for her.

they probably would have ended up together had he been here today.


it was his birthday on the 18th.
she always dreams of him.
he always comes in her dreams.

he’s never come to see me.
and i hate it.
hate it so much.

he’s my best friend.
he was a brother to me.
he was there for me,
with me,
through every little thing.

sometimes i think that if he was here,
he would have solved and gotten me out of this mess a long long time ago.

i miss him so much.
so much so much so much.

he gave a message for me to M.
he said that i need to stop thinking that he could fix things for me.
the day that i stop depending on him and i start dealing with things on my own,
he will come see me.


i hate him.
i love him.
i miss him.

i spent 25 years of my life with him.
he got me out of every trouble for 25 years.
we became boys from kids together.
we became men from boys together.

we had our first drink together.
our first cigarrette together.
we had our first girl friends the same month.
we had our first kiss the same week.
our birthdays are a month apart.
he was my first friend ever.

there was not one thing that we didn’t tell each other.

he was always the practical one.
the serious one.
the good friend who always got the “you talk to him because he refuses to listen to us” from the parents talk.

he was a good guy.
a really really good guy.
and i can never stop depending on him.

“Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I’ll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven”


Eid Mubarak!:) October 26, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — in2deep @ 9:48 pm

eid was wonderful.

a quick account of the events that took place before the actual eid day because they are all related.

saturday night i arranged for poker night and i announced that i’m going to be playing for money.
i have never played for money,
but my brokeness forced me to play for money as i didn’t even have rs. 100 to re-charge my phone credit.

we prepared for poker with our cigars,
beer and money.
it was great and i kicked everyones ass and i won……lets just say lots of money:D
(we bet in dollars so when the conversion happened, it was so much more than it was actually!)

since i had loads of money and i was in the eid spirit,
i decided to buy all the boys shalwar kurtas and chappals (sandals,)
and celebrate eid.

since all us boys are goras (foreigners) we needed a desi to help shop for the shalwar kurtas.
we gave a make-over to maq a.k.a maqbool,
our cook,
gave him the “saab” look,
and 2 boys along with maq went shopping on monday night and got 20 shalwar kurtas and 20 pairs of chappals.

since eid didn’t happen on tuesday,
we got one extra day to prepare for eid.
so on the actual chaand raat (the night before eid)
our cleaning lady, sughraa,
put oil in everyones hair.

then she taught us how to wear a shalwar and more importantly how to handle it.
we couldn’t hold the shalwar in its place,
so we got rid of the naala and put elastic in it instead.
that did help the situation.

i was so glad because everyone was really in to the whole eid thing,
and we were doing everything together and even though this whole concept was new to the boys and rich and brit and jeff,
they were most excited.

i had asked rich if i could go say my eid prayers in the mosque with maq,
and he gave me the permission.:D
the prayer time was 7am.

i woke up at 6am and it took me 40 minutes to wash off the oil from my hair.:P
then i wore my off-white shalwar kurta,
sat in my wheel chair and maq and i walked to the mosque to say our prayers.
it was so so so so so nice.

on our way back home,
we bought halwaa puree.
we got back and all the boys were all showered and dressed in shalwar kurtaa
everyone had breakfast together,
and at 930ish,
we had the sheer khoorma (dessert) that i had made.

it turned out really yummy.
it was my first time making it and it was just perfect.

we sat around talking and then maq decided to teach everyone how to play ludo (a desi board game) till lunch time we played ludo then.

for lunch i had made nihaari,
and we got naan with it and what deleeeeeecious nihaari it turned out to be.

we got done with lunch by 3,
and we were all so dead by 330 that everyone went to sleep.
we woke up at 7,
had chae (tea),
and hung out.

jeff made bbq for dinner,
was great too.

we called it a night at 1130.
and from 1130 till 4 i spoke to my baby,
and then we finally called it a night.

i realized and i learnt that it’s easy to sit and cry and crib over things.
if you want to do something,
nothing in this world can ever stop you from doing so.
i try to make the most of what i have,
and i was so happy this eid,
so so happy.

i missed my parents the most and i wished they were here with me.
but they weren’t,
and that is okay too.
they were happy because i was happy.
i had one of the best days of my life yesterday,
and i loved every minute of it.


the eid delay October 23, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — in2deep @ 10:36 pm

so there is no eid tomorrow.

i thought of mum and what her reaction would have been to this had she been here,
and it made me smile with tears in my eyes.

she would have been so mad had she prepared food for eid.

my mum didn’t know how to cook,
so when she did once every year on eid,
that was always the bigger occasion.

once she tried making kheer (a dessert,)
which she over cooked.

dad and i kept re-assuring her that it was okay,
and we poured it in a big bowl and put it on the table.
when we finally tasted it,
there was no sugar in it.


to save ourselves from all the howling and crying of “i don’t know how to make anything.” and
“i will never learn anything,”
dad and i sent her off to shower and change and quickly put the kheer back on the stove,
put sugar in it and mixed and cooked it as quickly as possible,
and placed it back on the table just in time.

i have been thinking of mum and dad all day today.
i think about them every day but today was different.

it’s been making me sad.

i was remembering all the eids when mum would call me and say “are you coming home for eid?”
and i’d say “of course i am.”
and then she’d ask “do you have a shalwar kurtaa to wear?”
and my answer would always be “no.”

then she would tell me that that is why she got one made for me.
and how i don’t care for eid and i should and i have to wake up early for the eid prayer and i’m so irresponsible and i don’t bother to fast and i’m not a good muslim and i should be home for ramzan and i don’t care for the important things etc. etc. and the list would just not end..


i miss her.
i miss them.
i miss all those times.

*deep breath*

on to a lighter note.

i started season 3 of Grey’s Anatomy.
if you don’t watch that show,
you should start.
it’s a must watch.
it’s my second favorite show of all times after LOST.

now my boys are back with the eid shopping,
(the details of which i will write in my next post,)
i will go and see what all they got.

happy one extra holiday everyone!:)


i’m back!:) October 22, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — in2deep @ 9:03 pm

i haven’t written in 21 days.


because fucking beta blogger doesn’t let me sign in to my account.
hate blogger.

so i went to wordpress.
couldn’t get used to it.
i don’t like change.
so i made another regular blogger account.

don’t want to be in a pissy mood so i will change the topic.

tomorrow is the last rozaa.
i missed only 4 rozaas this year and i’m so happy.
and so proud of myself.

i prayed this year too.

for the first time ever in my life,
i prayed for me.
lots and lots.
and it felt good.

speaking of me,
updates of me.

i’m the same,
nothing has changed.
nothing good has happened,
and more importantly,
nothing bad has happened.

i get my physio done regularly but that’s about all.
i haven’t attempted to walk again ever since the accident,
but i did stand up a few times.

i will start walking again soon.

God asked me to do it again.
He told me this time it will be different.
and i told Him that this time i will take my time,
so i am.

the physio has helped my right side.
i can hold a pencil now.
i cannot write but i can hold it.

i’m a lefty and i can hold the pencil in my right hand,
so there is a little problem of writing with it anyway.

i got my pakistani ID card finally.
i was so happy!:D

and yesterday i got new clothes.
jeff bought them for me because he saw and noticed my worn out condition.

i got 5 new sweaters.
that made me even more happy!:D:D

i have missed writing so much.
i will write every day.
i have to catch up with 21 days that i didn’t write for.

21 days in my life mean 21,
if not more,
events in my life.



Filed under: Uncategorized — in2deep @ 3:42 pm

i want to open my new blog by saying that don’t ever,
and i mean EVER move to beta blogger.


a new world. October 7, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — in2deep @ 7:15 pm

getting used to this new blogging place.
it’s a little strange but hopefully i will get the hang of it.
the old place where i have been writing is

do pay a visit there so you know what you’re getting yourself in to.
i will be back soon,
and then we will get this blog rollin’.